A new day.

Isn't it lovely to be faced with a brand new day in which nothing has yet gone wrong, and you have the ability to hope nothing will? I love that. Today, while I walked into work, the air sparkled like powdered sugar was floating down to cover the ground in a sugary softness. It wasn't really snowing, it was actually just all the moisture in the air being frozen, and my throat ached for breathing it in, but god was it beautiful.

My brother is still quite ill though, which is worrisome. But, I am well, which is an oddity. Today, as I write, I am listening to Mindy Smith. Her song Hurricane always makes my heart pang with the beauty. Here's a snippet.

I felt the
faint trace of thunder
rattle this old house.
I saw the fire light the sky
but there's no sign of rain anywhere.

I love that part. The way she sings it is so intense. She is on rhapsody, btw, for anyone who might want to check out her songs. Very wonderful voice.

I need a hurricane
to empty out this place.
Seems it's the only way
to salvage any sense I have left
to move on.

I have felt that way so many times. The pain of something is so great, you wish something would come and sweep away everything, if only to let you pull together the shambles and stand again. I have the memories tucked away. It's almost like a papercut in between your fingers. Most of the time, you don't even feel it, until that sharp stab seems to take your breath away.

I'm waiting
to hear your voice again,
and lighten up this heart.
I'm holding on to stupid memories
but I see you in every little thing.

Everything reminds me of someone. Every feeling, I remember the first time I felt it with them. Every time I see a certain object, I can't help but smile over the jokes we shared over it. Loss is so painful, and it never quite goes away...

But, today is a new day. My memories of yesterday only hurt me because I let them. And, despite my yearnings for a hurricane to sweep it all away, I love those memories. Because, who I am today is so much more than who I was before them. I am stronger, wiser, more beautiful inside because I can cherish things for the silver lining about them. And one day, as my sweet Momiji says...I want to be able to hold onto all my memories, because one day, they will stop causing me pain. No matter how sad I am now, eventually, I will see past the pain and only remember the beauty of my life. (Momiji is a character in my favorite anime, Fruits Basket. Please watch it. It changed my life.)

Today is a new day!