Honesty

I've decided that people who say they are honest are almost always going to be the people who will lie to you the most. When you think about it, it actually makes sense. Truly honest people admit that they have been dishonest in the past, and that they might be again in the future. There are times where lies are more helpful than the truth. For instance, when your girlfriend/wife/boyfriend/husband asks you how something looks, and you think they look like a crayola factory exploded on them, you don't have to say so. The tactful thing to do is to say something along the lines of "That's very interesting, but I really love it when you wear your blue shirt with those pants. I just think that looks so much prettier/better/handsome." Both answering the question and offering a suggestion of what might be more pleasing to your eyes (and let's face it, everyone else's too). Or, when someone is hurting over a loss, you tell them that the person/animal is in a better place. I'm not sure there is a better place. But, pretty lies are better than an ugly truth sometimes.

I'm reminded of the end of Angel season 5. Illyria from time to time assumes the form of Fred, and Wesly tells her never to do that again, because it is a lie. *ahem* "The truth is that Fred is gone. To pretend anything else would be a lie. And since I don't actually intend to die tonight, I won't accept a lie." I love the fact that he says this, because just a little later, when he is faced with imminent death, Illyria asks "Would you like me to lie to you now?" And Wesly agrees, Illyria changes to Fred's form, and it is one of the most moving death scenes I have ever watched. I won't tell you all that is said, because it would cheapen it.

My point of course is, that despite Wesly's desire for truth, in the very end, he wants the pretty lies. No one wants to hear painful things, even when they are good for us. There are times when we will have to hear what is hard in the bluntest, most painful manner, but honest people understand that. I think those who claim that they are cruel because it is honest hide behind that token to give themselves an out in their inability to be kind or caring when it is needed. You don't tell a child that their father is dead and gone and they will never see them again. You don't tell a person crying over their lost dog that "it was just an animal." Lie to them. Lie to me. Hurt me only when necessary.

If you say you are honest, you probably aren't. You're either too dishonest to admit your faults, or too unkind to use tact when it is appropriate. I'm not honest. I'm human. I have lied, and I will probably lie again. Maybe to spare your feelings, maybe to spare my own. I'm satisfied with that. I'll leave you with one final quote.

“I appreciate people who are civil, whether they mean it or not. I think: Be civil. Do not cherish your opinion over my feelings. There's a vanity to candor that isn't really worth it. Be kind.” --Richard Greenberg