Not dead!

I know! How exciting right?! It was touch and go for a few days, but despite the back from the grave gravely thing I have going with my voice, I'm fine. Ok, I'm still hacking like there's no tomorrow, but hey...no one is perfect. I don't have much to say otherwise, because the busy season is gone and all I have now is dealing with problems and shots coming through. Kind of a refreshing change. :)

Weekending it..

I had a blast this weekend. My brother came over and we had a good time, aside from a slight hitch with the running out of propane. It was pretty fucking cold on Friday night! We picked up a space heater on Saturday though, so it wasn't too bad any other day. Todd is sick of the winter and doesn't want to go in for another $600 in propane costs. Understandable. :) I don't really either. And oddly enough, I think the house was warmer with the one tiny space heater than it has been all winter.

I made tacos and loose meat sandwiches this weekend. I love loose meat sandwiches. The bread was crappy, but, even still the sandwich itself was fucking awesome. I also made bacon and waffles, which were also very good, but the loose meat sandwiches were my favorite. I didn't do them quite like usual because I was lazy and hungry, but still... Mmmm! For people interested in recreating:

Musing Over Loosemeat Sandwiches

1 lb extra lean ground turkey
.5 c. chopped onion
.5-.75 c. brown gravy mix (to taste)
salt and pepper to taste
3-4 toasted hoagie rolls
provolone cheese
condiments as desired

Brown turkey and onions, add gravy mix, salt and pepper. Put meat evenly into hoagie rolls. Top with cheese, melt under broiler until cheese is bubbly and browning. Add condiments. Devour. Crave seconds.

Surprisingly enough, this is even not a horrible thing to eat. It's very low in fat, and fairly low in calories too. (Depending entirely on what you put on it and what kind of bread you use.) It's yummy. And, teenaged brother approved!

I feel so good right now. I haven't puked in a week! I slept the night through the last three nights! On Friday I cleaned like crazy and put up all the pictures I have been meaning to. My house actually looks lived in now. Nathan was commenting on how we have "so much stuff" now. That, he felt like it was just yesterday we had a wall of boxes in the living room full of books and things. Now we have everything all neat and set out. We have real shelves! It's like people actually live there!

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I watched most of this documentary on swinging yesterday night. I've started to become a little disappointed in Netflix and whoever writes their movie descriptions. I was going to get the documentary anyway, and I don't have any issues with swinging (really, if you're getting the documentary, it's unlikely you do!) so I was glad to see the envelope description wrong on this one. Netflix described it as:

Forget martinis and Austin Powers. This documentary is an unflinching portrait of the realities of "swinging," and it's not exactly a shaggadelic picture. The swingers we meet are older, often lonely people looking to break out of their conventional lives by adopting "the lifestyle."

Which I think is completely unfair. The people were happy. So what if they are middle class suburbia. They talked to only couples who obviously were filled with love and trust and NOT lonely at all. Yes, some of the couples were older, but christ, I've never seen more active geezers! The only one who seemed at all lonely to me was the guy who was a swinger with his wife and she died of breast cancer. Yeah, pardon him for seeming lonely. Death of a loved one often leaves even non-swingers lonely. All of these people were well-adjusted and content with their lives and friendships. I am disgusted by the fact that people get so uptight over what are well-negotiated, understanding adults living their lives the way they choose to. Ok, so the guy who wanted to turn swinging into a religion was weird, but hey...let's look at Scientology a minute. :p

I wish people would just be more accepting. I'm not saying I was excited by 65 year olds boffing like bunnies, but it made me happy to see them content with themselves. I read through some of the reviews after watching it, and it was just sad how many people judged the participants on A) looks, B) age, and C) their own morality that they laid over the top. When you watch something through a shit-stained glass...everything will look like shit. I get tired of the religious right assuming everyone who participates in alternative lifestyles is a immoral being that has nothing better to do than get saved!

Be realistic people. Your view is your view. Not mine. Not theirs. Yours. Live with it!

Quieted

So, I'm better today. Aside from horrible dreams and a lack of any sleep whatsoever, I'm actually doing pretty good. I can't wait until tomorrow though. I am sick to death of my stupid bed and want a new one. And tomorrow is delivery day! Plus, Nathan is coming over. So, that'll be fun. I've got to clean tonight though. The bedroom and the living room, so the delivery men can get upstairs and Nate doesn't have to sit on my pile of clothes.

I'm actually a little surprised I am still in a good mood, considering one of the friends who pushed me out of channel and blamed me for some of the issues contacted me today and told me I was right and that she and one of the other people there is starting a new channel. Inviting me to come and "visit". Which is crap. She doesn't want me to visit, she wants me to come and stay. Not because of me, either, but because I'd be another regular. I am a little annoyed over it, but...not as much as I thought. I never doubted I did the right thing, so her telling me I was right isn't helpful. I guess maybe it didn't matter to me as much as I thought.

Oh well. Back to work.

Moods, moods and more moods.

So, I'm running a gauntlet of emotions today. I started out so hyper I couldn't focus on anything, then started crying, now I'm in this sort of drug-like funk where it seems like everything I do is super slow even if I know I am doing things fast. It's kind of interesting watching my fingers while I type though.

I fucking hate being moody.

Concerning thoughts...

So, I'm a little worried. The doctor says that if I go through the new estrogen treatment and still don't have a menstrual cycle, it's possible something is seriously wrong and I may in fact be sterile. I'm not really upset about the idea I couldn't have kids, but I don't want to go in for another battery of tests. And my mom keeps asking about it, and if I tell her that I might be sterile, I think she might cry. I've never wanted kids, and even if I did, I always thought I would rather adopt. There are so many good kids out there who need someone to love them. Todd, of course, wants no part of adoption. But, since neither of us are seriously considering either option, it doesn't really matter. I don't really know what to think. I also seriously need to start remembering to take my damn Wellbutrin. I feel better when I take it. Not as tired, not as upset all the time. I guess I am a glutton for punishment.

I'm trying to get a bunch of things done, so I guess I will cut it short. Maybe more tomorrow. Maybe not.